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I just love this picture so it's the one that's going there whether it fits the post or not! So here I sit in the middle of the night in Olds Alberta. It's been 5 months since my last post and a comment on Facebook from one of Lee-Anne's old friends from back in Ontario got me motivated to write my next entry. Thanks Liz! Since I last wrote Lee-Anne and I have moved to Alberta because the ex decided she was going to move to Alberta and take my children with her (insert profanity here). The company I worked for was great and helped me get a position, which turned out to be a promotion to management, in Calgary. Only one problem, one really HUGE problem. It took every last dime we had to get out here and we had to ask family to help us and also loan us money, and give us a place to stay! The problem is the whole living arrangements part. Don't get me wrong I'm extremely grateful and thankful, but.... Lee-Anne and our beautiful little Olivia live with her parents in Calgary in a tiny little room and I live 90kms away in the bustling metropolis of Olds with my dad and step mom (she hates that) in a room with no door. That's right, no door! I will remember this for the rest of my life. I WILL NEVER be in this position again. Oh, not so much fun, but the tough time is almost over. I have managed to save enough money, with LA's budgeting skills, to get us a great place in Calgary close to work where we can live together! Imagine that, a family living together. This whole crazy journey LA and I have been on together has been absolutely the most trying experience I have ever had! But I have to tell you, Lee-Anne, Olivia, Isabel and Grace are so, so, so worth it. This is the next big step for us. I've been working towards this with LA for a while now. It has been hard on both of us, especially on Lee-Anne though, which I must say breaks my heart. All I want to do is make her happy and provide for her and my precious daughters, but the road chosen was quite rough and has tested us to our limits. I look forward to LA having her own home to do with a SHE pleases and being able to have Grace and Izzy over for sleep overs so they can spend time with us and their sister.I feel horribly for how Lee-Anne must feel. After all when we met she had a job she enjoyed and her own place. Since we got together, we have moved in together, and then move another 3 times with the 4th coming up on Sunday. I think at times she resents me and I can understand that completely. I knew what was coming when we got together and started to get serious and I told her it was going to be hard, but I don't think she realized it was going to be this hard, not nearly. Going from an independent, single thirty year old to a thirty-one year old mother living with her parents. What a big change. And with a man who went from a construction sub-contractor to a warehouseman to a supervisor in a another province in that same time frame. I can often see the look on her face that says, "Stop the world I want to get off!". Seeing her when she's really feeling it hurts. My one solice though is that I have a good job with a steady income and good benefits starting in May, and a home for her. A place she can make her own. I can't wait to see that smile and look of contentment on her face when we have settled in and she has begun to work her magic on the place. For me that will be the payoff. Knowing that I have provided for her a home that no one can take away. Knowing that there will always be food on the table and that no matter what happens health-wise we have the medical and dental coverage to take care of it. I think we both desperately need that big 'S' word. S-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y, yes stability.
I'm very glad that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, unfortunately, due to our history and LA's past she has a tough time seeing the end of the tunnel until she's standing outside of it. I really wish she could see it too and have faith that we will get there and see that we are almost there now. One day she will I'm sure, but not until things have worked out for us and stayed that way consistently. I think I can live with that. We've been through a lot and have both grown tremendously and you know what? She is worth every second of it. It is absolutely amazing what you will go through for someone you truly love.
I've almost got all my little ladies a place to stay under one roof, and most importantly, a place for my main lady to call home.
Okay enough rambling. That is the update. I promise to post again soon.
Alright, I have not seen Grace or Isabel for a month and a half now. I can't believe someone, ex-wife or not, could be so selfish as to take children away from their father when their are no problems between the father and the children. I miss them terribly.
The fact that she just decided she was moving 1000kms away and didn't discuss it with me at all, but just picked up and left just pisses me off. I missed Graces first day of grade one. There is just no excuse for that. It's definitely not what is best for the girls. They need their father. The selfishness astounds me.
It's very interesting to watch Kristi's dad's reaction in court. He's definitely developed some opinions about me based on what he believes has happened since Kristi and I split. Wow, is he ever out to lunch, but then again that's not exactly a news flash.
So, we're in court now. I've been to court twice already this month only to have things pushed back both times. On the 2nd of September Kristi didn't bother to show up and then on the 23rd of September she sent her daddy, because she can't do anything without him (the real reason we're divorced). She did appear via phone, but things just got pushed back again. Now we wait until the 14th of October.
Are my children going to be entering junior high before they move back home again? I don't know, but this really sucks.
Lee-Anne gave birth to my third daughter, Olivia, Just over four months ago. It's been really cool to see Lee-Anne with Liv, who is her first child. This has posed some challenges, but more often than not it has been fascinating to watch. Throughout the first four months of Liv's short yet very active life I've noticed one trait that has been in common in everyone of my childrens' lives and in those of their cousins. I call it the Mommy Effect.
Their are times when Liv will start crying, for one or more of the various reasons that babies cry, and LA will be busy and/or I'll be the one that hears Liv first. So, being a good daddy, I go and pick up Olivia and usually I can decipher the problem pretty quickly and then go about providing the proper solution and get that all approving smile from Liv as if to say, "Way to go dad,
you got it right!". Then their are those other times when daddy just won't do.
I'll be holding Liv trying to sooth her, tears streaming down her face, puffy red eyes, the works. Lee-Anne will walk through the door, Liv's head swings around to mommy and the crying slows to a whimper for a few seconds. It's like the kid has built in radar. Then Liv will decide she needs to tell mommy all about why she's upset and how could mommy leave her with daddy and so on and so on. Then I pass Liv over to LA and life is good. Suddenly Liv will eat burp and sleep in a matter of minutes. I've been trying to get these things accomplished for over an hour. I get screaming, squirmy kid. Lee-Anne gets her and the kid is fed, burped and passed out in a matter of 15 minutes. She gets hold of mommy and she is ok. The Mommy Effect.
On a side note. After 3 daughters I'm getting really good at changing a squirming, crying kids diaper. ;)
-C-
All you men know the look. The one your mother used to give you when you did something wrong. The problem is that it is not only your mom that can give you this look. All women are capable of 'The Look', especially girlfriends/wives. I bring this up because I got the look today from TDub.
She had been out doing errands and I was home with Liv. At one point I must have knocked over the International Delights creamer and a little bit spilled. TDub came back from the store and was loading her purchases into the fridge and noticed 'the spill'. She immediately said, "What happened here?". I'm standing there with Liv in my arms and I'm wondering how and when I knocked it over and how I didn't notice that I did it. Before I can even finish the thought I get the infamous 'look' and a, "Don't worry I'LL get it.". I stood there with what must have been a dumb founded look on my face for a few seconds wondering how i had got myself into trouble and then tried to explain to her that I had just found out about the spill myself. There was an exchange for a moment and then i said, "I'm sorry, next time I'll hurdle you to get to the spill first so that you don't have to clean up after me!" She laughed, I laughed and that was that.
The thing is this isn't an isolated incident and seems to be common in close relationships, at least from my experience and observations. Any of you men out there experience 'the look'? Better yet, any of you women willing to admit to giving the look and maybe shedding some light on the situation?
Hey, I got 3 daughters who I'm sure will all develop the 'look' gene as they grow into teens and beyond. I need all the intel I can get!
-C-
I'm not going to start from the beginning. That's more information then you need and I can't really remember the first few years, so, we'll start with what I consider the beginning of my adult life...
....We met, we dated, I think, and we got married all in the span from September 1999 to May 2, 2007. I remember clearly, it was fittingly a dark and stormy day. Summer storm in Calgary. It was beautiful days before and after the wedding date, but not that day. A large branch and by large I mean it took 3 men to drag it away, came crashing out of a big tree out front of the church. Ah hindsight...... 20/20. Anyway, married August 6, 2000 (known from here on out as Black Sunday).A couple of years later on December 24, 2002, another day that I'll never forget, my oldest daughter was born.
Grace Nicole Conklin. My blond little princess, big blue eyes and the cutest blond curls. She loves to dance and sing.
When I used to lead the music at the church I used to attend she would sit on the top step with a huge smile and slowly work her way up to me and hold my hand, all the while unsure of herself and whether she was aloud to be on the stage. So cute and innocent. It was my favorite part of Sunday's. I'm sure she will be passionate about the arts as she goes through life.
Grace just started grade one this month... in Calgary, a thousand kilometers from the town where I live, which is also the town she and her sister Isabel lived in with their mother until the end of August 2008.
Oh Isabel..... Born November 16, 2004 in at the same hospital as Grace was in Calgary, Alberta. I call Isabel my 'Monkey'. This little brunette with huge eyes can climb anything, I swear! She also quite often gets called 'BusyBee'. This name should give you a bit of insight into who this precocious 3 year old is.
When Kristi, my ex-wife, and I split the it was especially hard on 'Busy'. She was only 2 and just starting to retain memories and one of the first she'll have, I fear, is of her daddy leaving home. Breaks my heart just thinking about it. I find when she's around we always seem to spend some time just the two of us sitting and snuggling. She's a million miles and hour the whole time She's at my house except those couple of minutes when she catches me watching her and Grace playing and then she comes over and sits next to me or on my lap with an adorable little smile and looks up at me and snuggles in. I so cherish those moments with my Monkey.
So after Black Sunday Kristi and I moved from the Vancouver area to Calgary. I really was not into it, but let her and her father (I have many names for him and have yet to choose the appropriate one for his title in this blog, and yes I am open to suggestions for a nickname.) pressure me into moving to Calgary. I never should have given in. Huge mistake. After we moved to work in her parents church we never could make a decision without Kristi wanting to discuss it with her father. Don't matter anymore, she's an ex-wife now. Moving forward....
So Kristi and I separate and I move into this shitty little hotel a block away. I live there for 3 weeks and then rent a place with some friends. A month later from the day I moved away from what had been my family for 6 1/2 years, we have a house warming party. We had 2 acres and a pool, a party was in order. We had a bunch of friends and co-workers over and had some fun. I was really enjoying myself visiting with friends and meeting new people. I was just enjoying freedom and not wanting to be involved with or even meet a woman. Guess what happened next.... That's right, I see this redhead sitting over by the pool all by herself and I'm a few beers stronger by now, so I'm being the good host making everyone's entertained and there she is all by herself and with no one to keep her entertained. I took it upon myself to rectify that situation.
16 months, 24 days, 4 hours, several tequilas and one daughter later I'm still working on entertaining her. Well that's not exactly true. I can entertain her no problem, it's keeping her happy that's the hard part. It's a full time job keeping her happy, but then that could just make her a woman.
Yeah yeah I know I know. I can here all you all you women yelling at your monitors right now. I've already introduced you to my ex-wife, my two oldest daughters, and my girlfriend aka Lee-Anne aka LA aka T.W. (The Wife) aka TDub, and I mentioned another daughter. I didn't, however, mention my mom, sister, my ex-mother in law aka 'The Drone', my aunt, my 2 cousins and an Australian exchange student. All of whom I lived with at one point or another. The one thing I can tell you is that they are all little bit irrational. WHOA!
There's that yelling again. I'm sorry, but it's my blog so get over it. Getting back on topic now.
Lee-Anne and I had a beautiful little redheaded girl that we named Olivia on May 20, 2008. She's quite often referred to as 'Bean', 'Livvy Bean', and 'Liv'. We both, obviously, adore her.
So, here I am 8 years, 1 month and 1 day after Black Sunday.
My name is Colin and these are my ladies......
